yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
