I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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