She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
