But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
