I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
