this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
