dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
