i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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