Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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