Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
