I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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