my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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