if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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