it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
