I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
