Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
