"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize