i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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