from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
