I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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