Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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