fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Actions speak louder than pants.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize