I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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