this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
