I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
