Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize