And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
