Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
