toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
