No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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