Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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