My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
