It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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