I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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