Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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