Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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