I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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