I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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