You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
