It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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