So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
