i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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