Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
