the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
