She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
