I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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