4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
