I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
