Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
