Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
