I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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