i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nutella sex= disaster
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
