He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
