It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
