New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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