I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
