i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
