The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
