I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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