Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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