yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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