I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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