Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We got so high we made milksteak
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
