I'm really into asian looking animals
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
