Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need moral support for this bender
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
