Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
