I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
