I can tuck mytits in my pants
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
