so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
