Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
